I Have a Confession To Make

Last year, the year I reached age 65, was the best year of my life!  I celebrated all year, even though my birthday was not until September.  After all the excitement, events, travel and being with friends, the finale of my celebrations, the trip to the Grand Canyon was phenomenal.  I had never had a better year!

Well, after all the hoopla things got quiet, which I probably needed, but it was somewhat of a letdown for me.   had been so wrapped in my birthday celebrations, now that it was over, and I was officially ‘of age’ what was next?  I didn’t know.  Then there was the sinking-in of the actions of several people who put a damper on the culmination of the festivities.  I will not go into detail, but what they did, or should I say, didn’t do, bothered me.  I trusted that they would adhere to what had been previously agreed upon.  Nonetheless, they did not, and it really dampened my spirit.  ‘i confess, over the past six or more months, I have struggled on and off with the disappointment.  I must acknowledge there were those few friends who knew what had transpired, who gave me much needed support, understanding and encouragement.  They were a big help to me, hence, the reason for the ups, but unfortunately, the downs would creep back in from time to time.  I am writing about this now, because I feel I have finally passed through that era.  I thought I had been doing my best to overcome these adversarial experiences, but apparently to no avail.  On the lite side, I attempted to keep in front of mind a statement I had heard some time ago, “If you are going through hell, don’t stop, keep on going!”  Well, I kept on going and am now through it.  Hallelujah!

I have always been a person who, when I am not up and able to sincerely provide sunshine in other peoples lives, I pretty much retreat and stay to myself until I can spread the joy I feel in my heart.  God has been soooo very good to me, and I couldn’t understand why I was having such a hard time shaking those negative actions of others. I knew there had to be something good for me to get out of the experience, at the time, I just didn’t know what.  But, I finally figured it out. I believe there is always good that comes out of a situation, although it may not be obvious at the time.  And, I also believe, some  lessons are harder to learn than others, and if you don’t learn your lesson, it will present itself at another time, until you get it.  Well, I finally got it!

The answers have been all around me, but I was not in the mindset to readily accept them.  This has happened to me throughout my life, inevitably, there will be at least three people, who don’t know each other, do not know what is going on with me, but will have a message for me, in our conversation, that addresses my situation.  Sometimes the messages have come within days of each other, but no more than within a two-week period.  The first time I hear it, I say okay to myself.  The second time, from another person, with no relation to the first, I start thinking…oookay, is this coincidental?  Then, when the third time it is brought to me, sometimes by someone I am meeting for the first time, in essence a stranger, the light bulb shines bright in my head and I see it as no coincidence, but true confirmation.  So, with that said, I am back in the saddle and ready to getty-up and ride on.

One of my personal revelations has been that when you are on your life’s path and living your true purpose, nothing else fulfills you.  I love serving people and introducing them to various things, situations, events that add pleasure and joy to their life and create indelible memories.  I love the simple things in life that bring on a high level of happiness.  And most of all, they reinforce unconditional love, peace and harmony.  When I can experience those things freely, I am happiest.  While I am not looking for reciprocation, and I know I have given unselfishly, it warms my heart when I get a smile or warm look in return. I feel then that I have had a positive affect.

With all of that said, I am moving forward with the actions for which I have been neglecting, namely, writing this blog, my newsletter, articles, essays, planning upcoming trips, and a bunch of other things that cause me to be still and allow the poetic muse to awaken my creative self.  I wake up every morning now ready for the day to see what creative juices will be flowing!